Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
