why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
