There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
