She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
