i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
