I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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