I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
