I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
