Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
