Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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