The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is the high leading the old right now
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
