I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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