its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
