i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
