...so i touched it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
