Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
