this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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