I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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