i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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