Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
