Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
