I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
