you guys were way drunker than both of me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
