I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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