how can u be prego again
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
