check it out our google latitudes are spooning
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
