Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
