and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
