We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
