My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
