Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
