You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
