Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
