needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
