If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
