U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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