you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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