I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
