that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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