why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
