I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
