I heard we made out
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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