So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Farmville is her only friend.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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