I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
