That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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