i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
