Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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