Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He better not be in your backpack
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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