what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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