ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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