So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
