Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
