i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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