Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
