I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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