I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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