i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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