So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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