oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
