I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
