I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
