so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
