SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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