I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
