My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
