true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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