I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
