we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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