I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
