I cannot find my penis.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
