how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
