Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
