i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
