Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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